My anchor is shaking and my ease is grasping for air
My life has never been this good. I love everything about it. But my anchor is shaking and I'm feeling unsteady in the waves.
Life can be so awkwardly cruel and beautiful at the same time.
One minute I’m at a funeral, the next I’m at a birthday dinner, both celebrating the life of two young men with hearts bigger than all the galaxies.
One day it’s dark, the next it’s light.
One day it’s chaos, the next it’s peace.
One day it’s stormy, the next it’s sunny.
It’s not good, it’s not bad, it just is.
Do you ever feel like you’re being squished through the eye of a needle, almost forced into the next season of life, but you’re so emotionally wasted on the current lows and highs that you can’t even muster enough clarity and courage to move, let alone care?
You’re just wandering around aimlessly in a glazed-eyed numbness because, for the first time in your life, you truly realize how temporary we are, how temporary it all is, and how very few people notice.
Maybe it's because we're finally old enough to understand that time isn't linear like we thought it was. It's not a gentle river flowing in one direction. It's more like ocean waves - unpredictable, powerful, sometimes gently singing at your feet, sometimes screaming over your head without so much as a warning.
And then in some freak moment of distraught-laced clarity, you realize you've been standing in the surf the whole time. You thought you had control over the timing and intensity of each wave as it plunders your ease, but you didn't, and now what?
Now you have to learn the difference between drowning and floating, between fighting the current and letting it carry you where you need to go. Now you have to trust that even when you can't see the shore, the ocean knows exactly where it's taking you.
You don't have to be ready for every wave. You just have to learn how to float.
The thing is: for me, my life has never been this good. I love my people, I love my job, I love myself, I love my life.
But it’s an uncomfortable place to be. My anchor is shaking and my ease is gasping for air. The waves are stuffing me into the unknown and I’m feeling unsteady.
